Sardines and Mansions

You can sleep like sardines in a room with people whose character you love and trust — you are bonded by much more than comfort and wealth. You actually take comfort and emotional nourishment from each other's presence. But you will not want to spend time, even in a mansion, with someone whose character you despise or mistrust.

On the other hand, because we are happy sleeping like sardines with those we love, we could become stuck there unless we start thinking about the future. Thinking of the future of the group demands that we push for better conditions — and the price of those improved conditions is functional behaviour.

The cost of connection is a much higher bar for character than the cost of functionality will ever be. You can do things that are in poor character that will still be functional — they will get you the practical thing you want. But you will sacrifice connection.

And the cost of prosperity is a much higher bar for functional behaviour than the cost of connection will ever be. You can do things that are very dysfunctional that will get you connection. But you will sacrifice long-term functionality.

Together, these two forces act to keep a family or a person in check. Paying attention to both — connection and functionality — insisting on investing in and protecting them both: I think this is what leads to the intergenerational structures we care about and love.

The practical test for this idea → The Price of Connection and the Price of Functionality

What this costs in practice → A Family That Lasts